My Email Archive

1. The beauty
2. Tony Patti don't send no spam baby!
3. More random images from your pal
4. I'm sure hard to handle now let me tell y'all
5. More images less words
6. My shameful past unveiled--the HAM pamphlet
7. The e-mail before X-mas 2019
8. After xmas special from a guy you actually know
9. The facts of my life revealed for your furtive gaze
10. Never before heretofore unexplored semaphores
11. Snakehips Malone-a comic strip serial
12. More Snakehips
13. Will Snakehips ever end? Only your friend Tony Patti knows
14. The not-so-grand finale of Snakehips Malone!
15. The delightful abnegation of Lent begins with Tony Patti!
16. The emails continue-Tony Patti's carefully curated curiosities of the week
17. An email from an actual friend with nothing to sell for a change!
18. Starved for entertainment yet? Here's a feast from Tony Patti!
19. The beauty
20. Tony Patti don't send no spam baby!
21. More random images from your pal
22. I'm sure hard to handle now let me tell y'all
23. More images less words
24. My shameful past unveiled--the HAM pamphlet
25. The e-mail before X-mas 2019
26. After xmas special from a guy you actually know
27. The facts of my life revealed for your furtive gaze
28. Never before heretofore unexplored semaphores
29. Snakehips Malone-a comic strip serial
30. More Snakehips
31. Will Snakehips ever end? Only your friend Tony Patti knows
32. The not-so-grand finale of Snakehips Malone!
33. The delightful abnegation of Lent begins with Tony Patti!
34. The emails continue-Tony Patti's carefully curated curiosities of the week
35. An email from an actual friend with nothing to sell for a change!
36. Starved for entertainment yet? Here's a feast from Tony Patti!
37. The Pandemic Report: Useless advice from an untrustworthy source, namely Tony Patti
38. Homebound Art Twit Tony Patti Sends Out Message in an Email Bottle
39. The first Easter e-mail from Tony Patti is a triumph of style over substance!
40. Think of a better spring than this, if you can, like Tony Patti says he can!
41. Inspiration From Improvisation: Tony Patti Pretends to Know What He Can't Rightly Say!
42. Tony Patti Presents: The Indomitable Urge To Create!
43. The Irreproachable Musings of Tony Patti Invite the Sophisticated Reproach Of My Friends!
44. Tony Patti Is Still Grimly Hanging On To His Compulsion To Email You!
45. Nitwit Notes and Idiotic Images From Your Feckless Friend Tony Patti!
46. "None Of My Distractions Bring Me Peace," Says Tony Patti, In The Words of David Udell
47. The Presumption of Tony Patti Has No Bounds Visible to the Critical Eye!
48. The Limits of Incoherence Explored With Inherent Tony Patti Audacity
49. By the Skin of Tony Patti's Teeth Edition!
50. Hot! Hot! Hot! Or, the Weather as Seen From Tony Patti's Window!
51. Emails Fly Fast & Furious From the Brains of Tony Patti!
52. Summertime, and the e-mails are easy, if you're as lazy as Tony Patti!
53. Old Faithful Fulfills His Self-Appointed Weekly Quota of Meaningless Imagery!
54. It's never enough for the 53% of the 65 subscribers to Tony Patti's emails!
55. Never say "Never!" to Tony Patti unless you want to see a grown man cry!
56. Up all night worrying about anything but working on this email again!
57. Creating an aura of limitless fame with one Tony Patti email a week!
58. World Problems Solved by Tony Patti E-Mail Campaign!
59. Battling Tedium the Tony Patti Way Once Again!
60. You call this mindless fun? Tony Patti does!
61. The shriveled remnant of Tony Patti's creative spark dimly seen in these emails!
62. At last, a return to classicism and decorum for reformed glamor addict Tony Patti!
63. Words! Words! Words! Tony Patti Won't Strangle You With Words This Week!
64. Tony Patti Crafts E-Mail Oblivious of the Great Themes of the Human Heart!
65. Don't Confuse a Tony Patti E-Mail With The Instant-Graham, Ya'll!
66. Emergency Extra E-Mail Edition Solely to ReExamine the Cookbook Joke from Tony Patti!
67. Tony Patti Attempts Mindless Entertainment to Distract You From Your Bottomless Despair!
68. If Loving Ya'll Is Wrong, Tony Patti Doesn't Want To Be Right!
69. Scandalous E-Mail from Tony Patti Pushes the Limits of Your Boundaries!
70. Indulge Your Senses in the Undeniably Scant Charms of a Tony Patti E-Mail!
71. The Inevitable Return of Tony Patti's Ineluctable Modality of Pretension!
72. Tony Patti Seeks to Share Beauty, Art, Kitsch, and Truth This Week!
73. Relaxing With The Unmatched Master of Artificial Imitation Everyday Slack, Tony Patti!
74. Tony Patti Cynically Pretends This Mass E-Mail Is Equivalent To A Real Xmas Card!
75. It's The New Years Eve Tony Patti E-Mail, Designed To Distract From Dismay!
76. You don't have to say you love Tony Patti's e-mails, he doesn't need MORE attention that badly!
77. Creating e-mails in mourning: Tony Patti dials it back this week
78. It's beginning to look a lot like another dang Tony Patti e-mail!
79. Avatar of the greater good (for nothing!) Tony Patti gifts you with invaluable images!
80. When you can't stand any more betrayals, at least there's a Tony Patti e-mail!
81. Just a basic set of images this week! Tony Patti is terribly depressed!
82. Will Tony Patti ever cheer up? Read this week's e-mail and see!
83. Don't call Tony Patti's Purgatory a Paradise all y'all now!
84. If you think you're sick of these Tony Patti emails now, wait til you see this one!
85. Never say "Never!" to the cascade of Tony Patti emails eating up your bandwidth!
86. Give me a proverbial break: The Tony Patti cry for righteousness in a world gone mad!
87. Once again the burden of scrolling through a Tony Patti email returns! Can Tony Patti mask the essential tragedy of existence with too many exclamation marks?
88. Gently, gently comes the change of tone in that Tone-Deaf Tony Patti!
89. "You got another Tony Patti e-mail!" "Again?" "He's never gonna stop!" "I know!"
90. You are never alone when you have an inbox filled with unread Tony Patti e-mails!
91. The Tony Patti email you love to delete, filled with images you'd rather not see!
92. Why bother with e-mail if alls you got to see is some dang Tony Patti e-mail!
93. Can Tony Patti mask the essential tragedy of existence with too many exclamation marks?
94. Drift and dream through another Tony Patti email and soothe your soul thereby!
95. We can not, we will not, we must not delete our god-given Tony Patti email!
96. It's all ART! Screeches your insane pal Tony Patti into the midnight gloom!
97. The Tony Patti email that refuses to distinguish between gibberish & gobbledy-gook!
98. Once again the chosen few are invited to acknowledge the existence of Tony Patti!
99. Another dispatch from the gates of hell from your replacement guide, Tony Patti!
100. Yo mama don't get none those dang Tony Patti e-mails!
101. Tony Patti seen shooting streams of seamless reams of now-forgotten starlit e-mails!
102. Here it is, the last thing you need- another Tony Patti e-mail!
103. It's the new old fashioned way of desperate Tony Patti friendship in email form!
104. More is never less when Tony Patti slathers the chosen few in chunky e-mail minimalism!
105. Does Tony Patti think God himself reads his never-ending e-mails every week?
106. If Tony Patti was a REAL friend this week's e-mail would be more like Bob Reuter used to do!
107. Nobody blames you for bitching about all the Tony Patti e-mails you've had to delete!
108. Images That Were Painstakingly Researched By Tony Patti's Imaginary Staff!
109. Tony Patti's imaginary legal team wants to warn you of the hazards of these e-mails!
110. Apple is gonna trash your Tony Patti e-mail because they need to protect you from harm!
111. The indescribable made explicit: Tony Patti reveals the unknowable through the unseeable!
112. There's Never Any Good Reason to Read a Tony Patti Email Instead of Baking Yourself Some Beans!
113. Incomprehensible fidelity in e-mail form: Why is Tony Patti still grinding away?
114. The Death of an E-Mail: Tony Patti contemplates mortality as his e-mail closes in on 100!
115. Timor Mortis Conturbat Me - my tribute to RAW, one of my dearest friends who died last week
116. Professional Art Director Tony Patti Turns His Hand to Barely-Tolerated E-Mail Producer!
117. Tony Patti booster-shot and bedridden, but still emailing like a smother-plumper!
118. It's the most wonderful time of the year to delete Tony Patti e-mails baby!
119. Who has time to look at another dumb Tony Patti email at Xmas? Delete! Delete!
120. Popping the festering boil of suppressed creativity with a NYE e-mail is a Tony Patti tradition!
121. What could bring you greater joy than the cruel satisfaction of deleting another Tony Patti email?
122. The eyes of Tony Patti go under the knife tomorrow! Perhaps my last e-mail ever!
     Some random mad doctor has promised to restore my eyesight in a fetid alleyway behind Barnes tomorrow with the blessing of my insurance!
123. The weekly ordeal of deleting another Tony Patti e-mail returns to plague your inbox!
     Your mama is sick of deleting these e-mailses!
124. Foisting another inadequate attempt at Tony Patti e-mail entertainment upon my jaded subscribers!
     Inadequate in selection, planning, execution, follow-through, conception, spelling and even basic humanity again this week!
125. Another inspiring spiral into meaninglessness from Tony Patti!
     Meaningful glances and subtle body language and hidden signs and subtle hints and obscure references and obtuse objectifications galore this week!
126. Random thoughts and unplanned images unite in Tony Patti's fevered brain!
     Sloppy surrealism, psychotic reactions, detritus excavated, ideals abandoned, sequiturs unchained, manifestations manipulated, kindnesses returned!
127. The lifespan of a Tony Patti e-mail is inextricably linked to the continuance of your esteem!
     You can print them, archive them, catalog them, encode them, index them, alphabetize them, summarize them, rank them and even delete them!
128. The endless display of unmitigated crap continues to pour out of Tony Patti!
     Displaying a rude spectacle of detritus, camp fads, immoral women, dubious artwork, questionable comic panels, and a smattering of respectable stars!
129. Feel the everlasting love of Tony Patti in your heart and soul as you delete yet another e-mail!
     Love me, love my e-mails!
130. BossMan Patti shows the world what he thinks about everything that they is via e-mail!
     BossMan McGhee is gone kill me when he finds out I been co-opting his mighty nickname when everybody ought to know my name is Professor Lobotomy!
131. The greatest Tony Patti e-mail you ever deleted is now ready for your consideration!
     Triumphant, upstanding, glorious and fervent, at the apogee of worldly endeavors, mighty and wild, free and unrestrained by artificial anxieties!
132. How holy is Tony Patti gonna get on Holy Week, and is it a sin to delete his emails?
     God will forgive you deleting my e-mails without reading them if you buy five copies of the Jambox EP and distribute them to the blessed poor!
133. Will the real Tony Patti please stop sending everybody all these dang e-mails?
     Authenticity is what we demand from our e-mail inbox, right? Truth, virtue, honor and decency! These ersatz e-mails from god only knows who must stop!
134. Intensive research into the socio-sexual predilections of Tony Patti e-mail readers inadvertently unveiled!
     Socio-sexually speaking, we find, as a result of years of intrusive e-mail study, that the so-called "readers" often simply scroll through photos!
135. Stochastic Tony Patti e-mail effusions of random fancies, non sequiturs, jumbles, confusions and surrealistic noise!
     Despite the utterly random images and wisecracks presented in no discernible order in each e-mail, our fiendish brains insist on order and meaning!
136. The time has come for us all to delete another Tony Patti e-mail with gleeful malice!
     We can all now hit that delete command as always, giving it a little extra added oomph as we press down just a little too much, malicious and cruel!

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